What dogs think about humans.

Very often I would observe the humans in the house. There are many questions in my head about some things the humans do.

1. Why can’t they just sit on the ground like I do? I mean, the ground is so comfortable and it lets me sleep and sit in awkward positions while the ‘chairs’ (that’s what they call it) they sit on looks as though it is restricting their natural movements. I am puzzled by this.

2. Why do they seem to change their appearance everyday? They aren’t related to the chameleons, are they? Until today, I still can’t figure out whether they have fur. If so, why can’t my fur coat change its own color like how theirs do. I saw my owner shredding his skin before. He called it ‘changing to a new pair of clothes’. Why can’t they just stick to one type of skin, or fur or whatever… UNLESS, they’re reptiles. Oh look, a bird!

3. Why do humans eat with metal sticks with funny looking ends? One was flat and the other was…ah yes they called it a ‘fork’. Can’t they just eat directly from their bowls with their mouth? I understand humans own businesses. So isn’t it more efficient for them?

4. Speaking about eating, why are their bowls so small? And they break easily. Which is stupid. Just use a large metal bowl like me! You can put more food inside and you can drink water using the SAME bowl. Cups, bowls, plates… They’re all the same!

5. There was once I heard my owner whisper into this other human’s ear. He said he wanted to ‘do it doggy-style’. Upon hearing that, I am excited to know what it really means. Does it mean I get to be involved? If yes, it would be so great since I haven’t been spending much time with my master lately. Time for some puppy love!

6. Why is everything hurting my ears? So far, the loudest thing I have heard is that yellowish white light that appears in the sky for only an instant. It comes and goes so quickly! My master would quickly put his fingers near his ears whenever he saw the white light. I wonder what it does. I tried to do the same once but my legs can’t reach my ears. Have I mentioned they’re so soft? That’s what my master keeps telling me. He always touches it whenever he sees me. I am starting to feel harassed.

7. Why don’t humans have tails? They’re so useful! Whenever you fart, you can wag your tail so the stink goes away. Also, they’re perfect for hitting car doors whenever you feel angry at your master! Sometimes, it doesn’t concern them because they always think you’re happy whenever your tail wags.

8. Why don’t they use all four limbs to walk? Instead, they use it to hold those things called cups or even make tapping sounds on those bright screens they have. Do it like us! That’s why we run so much faster.

9. In where my master lives, in his room there would be a large wall. This wall is very strange. I always see another of my own breed in it which I normally proceed to sniff. My nose would hurt after that. It scares me. That dog. It reminds me of myself. It copies everything I do. I think it loves me, What do humans do with it anyway? My master spends a lot of time looking at it, while brushing his head fur. I wonder why he must look at it while his skin changes colour too,

Everyday, humans fascinate me. I wish another one of my own kind would explain this to me because I could never comprehend that weird voice they talk to me with. It’s high pitched and it hurts my ears. I wish they would stop doing that soon. I also wish they could let me lick my own balls peacefully without making sounds like ‘EW’. Don’t you humans do it? It’s hygienic!

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