I have the unfortunate tendency to rely on myself all the time.
This stems from experiencing being let down by the people who I thought I could count on the most. That is why I rarely expect anything good from anyone nowadays. It’s hard to not expect something from someone but through mental mastery I resist doing it most of the time.
Doesn’t it just sound sad? Like I’m too negative or depressed.
I get that a lot. From everyone. Whenever I voice out similar thoughts, I get shot down as being a pessimist. Without fail, I will label myself as someone who is ‘more realistic’ to bolster up my side of the argument. When I started expecting nothing from everyone and this ranges from not expecting to get a university offer to not expecting Arsenal to win, I seem to feel less disappointed then I used to. It is very comforting to think of that. It’s a simple equation: less expectations = less heartaches.
As a result, I strive to only rely on myself. Tough, tough job. I feel the need to pick up every type of skill I would need in the future. I feel that it is always best if I could do it all by myself. Who needs your expertise when I can do it myself, just the way I like it right? Wrong.
Trust used to not exist between my family, my friends and I. Because of this mindset that I adopted a solid five years ago, I never trusted anyone to do anything for me. Other people would surely screw it up. Other people wouldn’t do it as good as I wanted it to be. Surely, they will let me down one way or the other, I used to think. But bad things started to happen, from personal achievements to relationships, everything plummeted down.
Without trust, you will always feel insecure. That’s what happened to me. Without feeling that reliability from the people around you, you will feel vulnerable as though you’re naked with only a pair of shoes on you but thank goodness it was only a dream.
But you need that vulnerability to build trust. As some people say, you have to open your heart to love another person if you want to do it wholeheartedly, you’ve got to trust that they wouldn’t do shady things behind your back, you’ve got to put all trust you have on your group partner and let him or her know that you think or even believe that he or she will get the job done instead of doubting them around the clock.
With vulnerability you make connection. You don’t make connection by talking to someone about how their day was or how their cup of tea tasted like. Only when a person opens up to you by talking about what is really going on in his or her mind (usually harshly honest or emotionally profound), you will feel a connection with that person. Only then you will feel that you can tell that person anything you desire to. Only then will that person know you’re reliable, you’re trustworthy.
Only then you will feel you can trust that person without worrying about shady pasts or unwanted luggage.
Although it is important to not expect too much from someone, it is imperative to expect reasonably. When you expect something from someone, be it a simple task or a much needed favor, you let that person know that your trust is on him/her. That even if there’s a high possibility that he/she will screw it up, you bestow upon that person with the gift of trust, the gift of faith, the gift of confidence that person needs and last but not least, the gift of connection.
The type of connection that no ‘How are you? I’m fine’ type of small talk can give. I’m glad I feel vulnerable now.