Dear friend,

At this moment you must be feeling that a large part of you is missing. It was once there, it was once a significant part of your days, it took your emotions to new heights; but, now it’s missing. I don’t know if I felt the same as you after the end of my first love but I can understand how difficult it is to overcome those overwhelming waves of sadness, those pangs that you can’t avoid, those stupid feelings you can’t deny. They’re stupid because they make you tear up and as men we don’t like crying. However, it happens especially at turbulent times like these when your feelings become uncontrollable, sane thoughts scattered all over the place. While people be it friends or family look at you and think ”This is not the person I know”, you might feel that everyone is starting to consider keeping a distance from you. Insecurity. After she left you to drown in your wicked pool of crushed hopes and unfulfilled dreams, what now? Insecurity. Hopelessness, despair and the list goes on and on (…and on *cue Journey’s Don’t Stop Believing). ”I’ve never felt like this before,” you may think. It is a new experience. An extremely pathetic one for you, but still new. Remember, what’s new will eventually become old. So, as for anything else that’s unfamiliar, this too shall pass. 

Be sure to not blame anyone, especially yourself for whatever happened to you and her. Maybe it was the things you did or the words you said but who could blame you? It’s the first time that this has happened to you. I remember what happened to me arose from my own wrongdoings. I also remember after my first breakup I became very emotional and started posting song lyrics on Facebook, usually those that ‘discreetly’ let the world know that I was in a bad position. Usually, other people (her friends and yours) had already found out prior to the status update. They might speculate about the true causes or the final decision maker. Fuck ’em. You are out of your comfort zone and now is the time to learn tolerating anything that makes you uncomfortable. Eventually those people, those thoughts and those hurtful words you have heard will be within your comfort zone. The time where you are capable to leave them behind will arrive too. The whole problem is that it will take some time for you to acknowledge this not as the worst experience you ever had, but as the biggest and most significant in your life. Weird, I know. Strange things always happen.

Remember to live your own life too. You may have discovered the passion you had to sustain something wonderful with her was powerful. It might have overpowered you at some point during the period. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF . Who could have taught you what you should have done with all the love you had for her? People like you and me make mistakes; and, they learn from mistakes. Take a step back and breath. Clear your thoughts and think logically. You don’t give everything to someone because you love her. You share. <<< Will come in handy maybe not right now but in the near future as days get brighter.

Lastly, the past is the past. All you can do at this moment is differentiate the good from the bad. Not everything was bad. Some are good. Make use of the good things that occurred during the relationship.. Keep them close to your heart as lessons that you want to pass down to the future generations someday. 

The pangs of your sadness will pass. Don’t worry. I can guarantee that they will but countless hours will pass before they do. Time, in this situation, is the enemy but it is ultimately your friend. Be patient. This too shall pass.

Sincerely,

Shaun

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